Being the Woman You Want to Be is Not as Hard as You are Making it

I was exhausted every morning. Like EVERY morning. Mark used to say to our girls

"Mommy's allergic to mornings ... Coffee helps."

He really didn't like talking to me until I had my coffee, so much so that he (a non-coffee drinker, mind you) would make it for me, like every morning. I'd wake with a steaming cup sitting on the bedside table.

That's just how life was lived ... coffee powered mornings, kept moving by coffee fueled days, followed by wine drinking evenings, settling into wine sipping late nights. Each of these days I would start by saying, 

"I really need to go to bed early tonight."

Then I really never did. I would wake up the next morning exhausted. Like really tired, but no problem ... there's coffee.  In those days, coffee and wine helped make my life seem easier because it felt so very hard.

Reality was, I was making it hard.  I wanted to be a woman that was not tired, that went to bed early and that had energy of her own making.  I wanted what felt impossible, for life to be easy.  Instead I was always tired, I stayed up late and I needed coffee. Instead I was making life hard.

If you find yourself saying ...

"Let's meet at 7pm for dinner," but instead you arrive 30 minutes late all the time ...
"I really just want to meet a nice guy," but you are unkind to yourself ...
"I want to lose weight," but utter "I don't like to exercise or eat vegetables" in the same sentence ...
"I'm so tired," but require coffee to get your day started ...

If you find yourself wanting [fill in the blank], but instead you [fill in the blank] ...

You are making it hard to be the woman you want to be and being the woman you want to be is not as hard are you are making it.

We know what we want. We say it all the time, but instead we do something else. Start doing what you say you want to do and notice how easy life becomes.


Know your core (values, that is)

In my much younger years, I journaled all. the. time. Scarily, my preteen to teenage angst is very well documented in spiral bound journals with the words "I love Corey Haim" lettered all over the front. (Yes, I have totally dated myself).

EVERYTHING was recorded ... the butterflies I felt when the cute guy, Nate, that all the girls had a crush on moved in next door; how I was totally a better volleyball player than Lori, but was never chosen to start; how I cried when Ann left a note in my locker outlining my selfish ways. (No, the names weren't changed to protect the innocent. Ha!) What I didn't do a lot of back then was write.

Life, back then, was happening and I simply recorded it. BUT, it doesn't have to be that way. Over the years I've learned the art of intention; of writing your story rather than recording it. It started with defining core values.

There are many values I chose to live by, but if I'm to boil it down to the top 5, the core, (in no particular order) here's my list.

  • Honesty.  Tell the truth. Live my truth. This means I will be transparent, leading by example. I can't expect my children to live the life of their dreams, if all they hear me doing is complaining about every wrongdoings.
  • Service.  Every single time I make life only about me. I fail, life gets hard. I don't mean this figuratively, I mean it literally. When business is all about making money, everyone starts asking for discounts. But when business is about helping others in a way that is meaningful for them my programs fill, my clients and my lives are enhanced and I still make money.
  • Connectedness. The cousins from my dad's side (he is one of five kids) grew up together in a small town; my mother's family on the other hand resided in Singapore. I grew up with a beautiful dichotomy of what it means to be connected to people both near and far. Being connected is an internal place where I get to give the gift of presence to the people/person that I am with (near or far). It's being with them so they know that they matter.
  • Growth.  Once you taste how amazing life can be all you want to do is order more of that same meal, on repeat. This happened to me a few years back, I became alive to the meal of life that I was eating, and ever since then I have done every little thing I could to constantly improve the life I'm living and the person I am. I won't stop any time soon either.
  • Leadership.  I'm a mother, therefore I'm a leader. Ha. I wish leadership was as simple as declaring it. Leadership for me is authenticity. It's knowing how I want be in the world and then truly being it. It's living in integrity.

Knowing these values and what they mean to me makes the writing process of life simple. Choices that were once hard to make, because I was waiting to record them rather than make them, are now clear because they either align with what I value or they don't.

Knowing your values helps you write your life. What top values do you have at your core?